Foolishness

Sometimes I wished that I wasn't such a "good" girl. Sometimes I wish we didn't have responsibilities. I wish that I could do whatever whenever without having to worry about living up to a standard. Then I stop. Wait. What am I thinking? I am so blessed to have a conscience...often I disregard it though. Really I am not as good as people might think. I have done things so shocking I am ashamed to post them here. This is the internet after all. Once it is said who knows who might one day be able to access it. I feel like such a hypocrite at times. My sin nature often takes over and leaves me foolish and ashamed. Even though I know in my head everything right and Godly, it is so easy to go against it. My head confounds me. Although I know what I know to do, my mind blatantly disobeys itself. How does that even happen? Why does sin have to be so appealing? Why can't my heart and mind collide on thought and deeds, instead of just staying in the mass of my brain? This world is a hostile threat to my well being. Satan is reaching his spiny fingers toward me, but I will have none of it. Or at least that is what I keep telling myself. His mocking voice in my ear telling me how foolish I am, it doesn't stop. What lies he whispers. What lies. When will I learn to stop listening? My Lord loves me. He has forgiven me. What more do I need? Nothing.