Music. It has more power than one might think. I have found lately that if I listen to a certain genre it will affect my mood and how I think. If I listen to depressing music, I start feeling depressed. If I listen to music that is highly sexual, my mind tends to wander that direction. If I listen to angry and bitter music, my heart grows heavy and starts dwelling on things that upset me. If I listen to happy music, I feel happier. Really this is all subconscious though, I never realize it when it is happening. It makes me want to pay attention to what I listen to though, if it has such an impact, what do I really want to be feeding my thoughts?
Facebook. A few months ago I decided to deactivate my account for awhile. It was the best decision I ever made. Before, I just spent so much time on it. It amazes me how much time can be wasted on it. So during Christmas break I reactivated it, but I am seriously considering deactivating it again. I really don't need that kind of distraction in my life. It is such a time waster. Also Facebook is kind of creepy, and it encourages creepiness. It is making it acceptable to creep on others and know way too much about people that you don't need to know. It frustrates me.
Russia. Recently I have been thinking about Russia so much, even having dreams about it. I want to go back. I want to know how those dear children that I had the privilege of ministering to two summers ago are doing. I long to hug them and listen to them talk in their beautiful language. I know that the Lord will lead me back at one point, but I have been praying for them so much, for I don't know what else to do.
Mormons. I have so many Mormon friends, and I love them so much. It breaks my heart every time I think about it. I don't know who might read this blog, but I just want to be honest here. It frustrates me how blind they seem. They don't know how to question their faith. The Book of Mormon directly contradicts with the Bible, but they believe it and think it is the Word of God and should be believed. It pains me to know that my friends, who are so good, might not go to heaven because they have not accepted God's grace and gift of free salvation, but think that they have to do works to go to heaven. That is not the message that Jesus taught. Look anywhere in the Bible, especially the New Testament, Ephesians 2:8-9, John 14:6, John 17:3, Titus 3:4-7, and so many other places! But that doesn't mean that as a result of salvation you shouldn't do good things, for works are a result of faith (James 2:14, Galatians 5:22), not necessary for salvation as many Mormons have tried to tell me! Ah, I love my dear Mormon friends so much! God loves them even more, and I just long to reach a place of understanding with them. I pray for their salvation as often as I think to, it is that important to me, and God!
Boys. God has given me so much peace as far as boys are concerned. There was a point just a few months ago that I wanted a boyfriend so badly, and felt that I needed one. But God has assured me that in his perfect timing he will provide, I have no reason to fret or be anxious about this. I love being in this place of peace. It makes life so much less stressful! I love having guy friends that I won't have to worry about if they like me or if I like them, because I know that when the right guy comes around, God will let both of us know and it will work out just as God has planned, and I have no need to worry at all!
Life. I love life right now. I am so busy, which isn't always fun, but I am so content right now. I am so blessed with good friends, a good school, and so many wonderful things. I am blessed and cannot wait to see where God will continue to lead me in the days to come!
My dear one! Thank you so much for sharing this... I am reminded of our laughter and shared hearts as we enjoyed swinging not so many months ago. So many of your thoughts and revelations here have crossed my mind and remind me of how He has worked in the past several years on my heart (seriously your words come like a tape recorder reciting my past conversations with God): the music, boys, Mormons, and the passion for a nation He loves... May He bless you only with more of Himself and you find your every desire met by Him... Love you friend and will be seeing you in just a short while!
ReplyDeleteLove, Nikki