In Christ Alone

Again I am in a weird funk. I absolutely hate when I get like this and I don't hate too many things...well that is debatable, but I really try to not hate things! I am surrounded by good friends and family, I have a good job, and God has blessed me in so many ways...yet I still feel like I am all alone amongst so many insincere faces. These few months of summer have stretched me in more ways that I would have liked. It goes in waves of self-pity to giddy joy back to self-pity. Right now I'm in the self-pity stage and trying to get out of it for it isn't healthy. For some reason whenever I start feeling connected again with friends here in Spokane something comes up and I feel ostracized again. I have a feeling that this is partially a Spiritual attack and goes deeper than I realize. Satan in his jealous wrath sees me growing in Christ and being encouraged and built up, so he sends his demons to torture my soul trying to drag me back to the depths from which I came. I am plagued with feelings of no self-worth, that I am not good enough, that my past sins will get in the way of future relationships, that I will never truly be connected in any circle, that I am not pretty enough, that I will never succeed in my goals, that whatever I do it will not be enough! But these are lies! I am God's beautiful daughter who is blessed and looked upon with favor! God sees my growth and smiles upon me and showers me with His love. Even as the tears fall down my cheeks He picks me up in His arms and paints me a sunset and pours down the rain to hide my tears and gives me the hope I need to carry on. Even as the Devil plagues me, it teaches me true dependence on Christ, and that in Him I will find my fulfillment, and only Him! I can do anything in Christ, and He gives me all I ever need. When I cry out to Him, He listens when no one else will. Sometimes I even feel like I am disconnected from God...but I know with all my heart that this is never true. His word promises over and over that He will never leave us or forsake us, if we draw near to Him He will draw near to us, if we seek Him with all our heart He will answer, when we knock at the door He will answer and give us all we ask of Him! In Christ we should never be wanting, except for our sin nature that gets in the way. All we can do is trust in Him, pray hard, forgive often, confess our sins even more often, and live in His hope, for there is nothing else we can do.