Just Another Stepping Stone

Well, there have been quite a few changes in my life in the last couple weeks, so I guess its about time to write a blog update or something.

Since getting back to Spokane in the beginning of November, I've wanted to get a job. Start paying back student loans, save up a bit to possibly move out of my parents' house, gain experience before grad school, and other similar thoughts. But then I took awhile to start looking, and didn't get out any applications till around Christmas time. Then it was as if everything pushed paused, as I slowly got used to the challenges of unemployment.

These last two months have dragged by.

The first month I got out lots of applications, made lots of to do lists, slept even more, and watched Netflix's the remainder of my time.

Then my one month free subscription to Netflix ran out. People stopped asking what I was up to and where I was going next. I was able to spend more time with friends in Spokane. Started running again. Started helping out with middle school youth group again. Started really missing the friends I have come to love that were no longer in my life again. Started going to counseling again.

Then I started dreaming. And then doors to my dreams opened, and I was in a whole new world of possibilities. These dreams were beautiful yet terrifying, so many overwhelming possibilities sitting at my fingertips, actually within grasp. I was stuck in indecision, paralyzed by fear, wanting to step forward but terrified by the weight of commitment.

Slowly, slowly, ever so slowly, I have turned towards the possibility that commitment isn't such an awful thing. I started saying yes, pursuing options, fighting back the anxiety welling up inside, clinging onto hope and joy and life in the midst of my ever present darkness.

Then I was struck by an interesting concept. Contentment. Seeing a glimpse of the future with joy not dread, and knowing that I did not have to fear because God was guiding my path.

It was in this moment of contentment, as I was saying yes to future plans, that my present opportunities suddenly broadened. After almost two months of job searching with no word from any of the companies I applied to, I had an interview, then another interview, then suddenly was hired. I was actually a little shocked by the suddenness of it all. And now I start working Monday morning. And just a week ago I had no prospects of a job at all.

I am grateful for this job, even though the hours are killer, and I never thought I would be an employee of the YMCA again (I guess its my own fault for applying), but somehow I am dreading what will come Monday. The sudden structure and early mornings, after so much freedom and leisure, will be quite an adjustment to make I'm sure. I guess it gets easier with time. But I don't see this job as an end goal. Not at all. This is a stepping stone, and even though I don't see the big picture, I trust that whatever lessons I learn in these next months will help propel me to whatever adventure lies ahead.

So, here is to a new season. May it be a good one, or at least one that gives me many lessons to learn.