Growth, Healing, and Refound Joy

Looking back over the last year, it is amazing to see where I am now.

A year ago I was at home in Spokane completely uncertain about my future. I just got home from my DTS, had possible aspirations of grad school or working in a nonprofit or traveling and seeing the world, but I had so many options that I was left doing nothing at all. I was still stuck in the residual habits of depression that clung to me throughout my senior year of college. During DTS I found a lot of freedom from that deadly disease, but once I was back home it was hard to keep the unhealthy patterns at bay.

After a few months of job searching, I was hired to work for the YMCA, with their school age care program, where I worked for the next eight months in three different locations. Two different elementary schools with the craziness of summer camp in between.

About the same time that I was hired at the Y, I started applying to join staff with Freedom 61. I saw an opportunity to follow so many of my heart's desires and couldn't resist such an offer. Little did I know how much God would grow me in the process from when I started applying till now, only a week away from moving to Riga, Latvia.

Throughout most of the spring and summer months, I often just lived day to day barely able to find the energy for even that. I was in constant survival mode, just doing enough to get by. I don't know how people manage to work full time jobs all the time, working 40 hour weeks throughout the summer was one of the most exhausting things ever. Of course it was also outside and with tons of crazy kids in the sun all day, which may have been a contributing factor.

At the end of July I had the opportunity to go to China for two weeks, which was such a wonderful opportunity to see another part of the world and how God is continually working. We taught English and loved on kids, played games, sang songs, danced and laughed. It was a beautiful thing.

Then back to America. Upon returning to the States a week into August, I was convinced that I was going to buy my plane tickets, finish raising my monthly support, then move to Riga mid September. But God clearly had other plans for me. Through a humbling series of counsel I decided to stay in the States a little while longer. I accepted another position with the Y for a few months in the fall and began a new internship at my church.

The next four months flew by. In my internship I learned more about counseling, especially from a Christian perspective. I was able to take my knowledge about Psychology and intertwine it with theology, and see the connections between faith and healing. During the internship I also received some counseling. Finally in a place where I could safely process the many hurts and ups and downs throughout my life. I learned the importance of being open and honest and gained a greater trust in the sovereignty and compassion of God throughout history and even through my short 23 years.

In learning and growing these four months I know I am far better equipped for the work God has called me to in Latvia than I was before. God's timing is always a little different than ours, but thankfully he knows what he is doing far better than we do.

And now I am all packed and in DC for a week before heading to Riga on January 6th. It's still a little surreal. But God is so good. Just under a month ago I had all of my support raised. I finished up my job at the YMCA, celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas, packed up all of my things to either put in storage or in suitcases for Latvia, said lots of tearful goodbyes, then got on a plane and here I am!

Such a year it has been, I can't wait to see what 2015 will bring. It is a wonderful thing to be able to anticipate the joys ahead of me, even though I know there will be challenges, God has been healing my heart and I know that it has all been in preparation for that which is in front of me.

Dreams Becoming Reality

As I am starting to prepare to move to Latvia in the fall I'm realizing more and more how many of my dreams are about to become reality. God has been slowly preparing me for the work he has created me to do, and I am so excited to step out into the role that has been on my heart for so long. Through each trial and blessing, each experience and opportunity, each open and closed door, God has been shaping me for this moment. And I am sure I cannot even begin to grasp how God will use this opportunity in Latvia to shape the rest of my life.

It is so fun to begin to see the larger picture behind the things I've been through, and know that God really does have a plan for my life. All things really do work out for good for those who love God.

Ever since going to St. Petersburg, Russia during the summer of 2009, I have wanted to return to that part of the world. I have longed to work in a long term ministry, building relationships, seeing lives restored, bringing hope and joy in a place where there is much darkness and loneliness.

Ever since hearing about the issue of human trafficking I have longed to do all I could to stop it and work with the people affected by it. Even before really knowing about human trafficking I knew I wanted to work with people in crisis and work to fight against the injustices in our world.

So then when I found out about Freedom61 in Riga, Latvia this last January, I could not help but be moved to look into it. A ministry out of YWAM Riga working with girls in prostitution, fighting the injustices of sex trafficking in a practical real way, in an Eastern European country, looking for staff specifically to help in their transition home and rehab center. Through much prayer and time and counsel I pursued this opportunity, applied, got accepted, and am now planning to move to Riga in September. I truly cannot believe how blessed I am to have this opportunity to serve in this ministry.

Besides these big dreams becoming reality, I've started recognizing little dreams that I've had will also become reality through this opportunity. I've always wanted to live out in the country, ever since being a girl, and the transition home is out in the countryside of Latvia. So once it is open and I will move out there, I will be living in the country! Such a small thing, but so exciting. Also, I've always wanted a reason to really learn a language, but haven't had the opportunity to do so, but being in Latvia, especially since I won't be in the capital city for very long, I will have to learn Latvian and most likely some Russian too.

So, even though this is all still a little overwhelming, I am becoming so excited to move forward in this adventure of life. I will be raising monthly support while I am there, and if you are interested at all in hearing more or supporting me I would love to meet up with you and share more. I will also try to do better at posting updates here.

Just Another Stepping Stone

Well, there have been quite a few changes in my life in the last couple weeks, so I guess its about time to write a blog update or something.

Since getting back to Spokane in the beginning of November, I've wanted to get a job. Start paying back student loans, save up a bit to possibly move out of my parents' house, gain experience before grad school, and other similar thoughts. But then I took awhile to start looking, and didn't get out any applications till around Christmas time. Then it was as if everything pushed paused, as I slowly got used to the challenges of unemployment.

These last two months have dragged by.

The first month I got out lots of applications, made lots of to do lists, slept even more, and watched Netflix's the remainder of my time.

Then my one month free subscription to Netflix ran out. People stopped asking what I was up to and where I was going next. I was able to spend more time with friends in Spokane. Started running again. Started helping out with middle school youth group again. Started really missing the friends I have come to love that were no longer in my life again. Started going to counseling again.

Then I started dreaming. And then doors to my dreams opened, and I was in a whole new world of possibilities. These dreams were beautiful yet terrifying, so many overwhelming possibilities sitting at my fingertips, actually within grasp. I was stuck in indecision, paralyzed by fear, wanting to step forward but terrified by the weight of commitment.

Slowly, slowly, ever so slowly, I have turned towards the possibility that commitment isn't such an awful thing. I started saying yes, pursuing options, fighting back the anxiety welling up inside, clinging onto hope and joy and life in the midst of my ever present darkness.

Then I was struck by an interesting concept. Contentment. Seeing a glimpse of the future with joy not dread, and knowing that I did not have to fear because God was guiding my path.

It was in this moment of contentment, as I was saying yes to future plans, that my present opportunities suddenly broadened. After almost two months of job searching with no word from any of the companies I applied to, I had an interview, then another interview, then suddenly was hired. I was actually a little shocked by the suddenness of it all. And now I start working Monday morning. And just a week ago I had no prospects of a job at all.

I am grateful for this job, even though the hours are killer, and I never thought I would be an employee of the YMCA again (I guess its my own fault for applying), but somehow I am dreading what will come Monday. The sudden structure and early mornings, after so much freedom and leisure, will be quite an adjustment to make I'm sure. I guess it gets easier with time. But I don't see this job as an end goal. Not at all. This is a stepping stone, and even though I don't see the big picture, I trust that whatever lessons I learn in these next months will help propel me to whatever adventure lies ahead.

So, here is to a new season. May it be a good one, or at least one that gives me many lessons to learn.