Also lately, God has been doing so much in my heart and mind. I've had so many things to think about and process that I can't seem to ever get my thoughts into writing, no matter how much I've tried. So I'm often left filled with relentless thoughts that never seem to find a place to rest. Hence the tiredness I suppose.
Ever since the weekend of the opening, a little over a month now, God has been showing me pieces of how he's made me, how he's created me, what I'm designed for. The last two years, since graduating college, have been a whirlwind of events and emotions, leaving me in some ways not really sure who I was anymore. So now in these quiet moments waiting for the building to be inspected, before girls move in and life picks up again, God has been softly speaking into my heart, breathing new life and identity into my weary soul.
As I walk through the forest and watch the springtime unfold my heart begins to beat again. Remembering the moments in my life that have brought me life. Seeing the times where I have felt the sweet presence of Jesus guiding me when everything around me seemed to be falling apart. Times spent hanging out with middle school students doing absolutely ridiculous things. Times walking alongside friends offering hope and comfort in the midst of chaos. Times digging into the Word of God seeking answers to hard questions, finding ways to make a complex truth accessible. Times learning and discovering new things.
My life has been incredibly blessed, yet in many ways incredibly chaotic. And I am truly grateful for both ends of the spectrum. For the blessings have given me opportunities to thrive, while the chaos has given me opportunities to grow. It's been in those moments of chaos where I see God's hand most strongly, and I would not replace those moments for anything, no matter how difficult they have been. Even now in the midst of transition, in a country I can't seem to call home yet, waiting for the ministry to begin which I came here for, learning to allow God to be the satisfaction of my soul above all else as he teaches me more about his kingdom and my place in it.
I am ever growing, ever learning, seeking to find peace in a world wrought with challenge, fighting for the joy that once defined me, allowing compassion to once again guide me, living in trust and faith rather than fear, holding on to the hope that gives me strength, fully resting in the truth of my God's love.
