So much has happened since I last posted something. I feel like my life has completely changed since those few short weeks ago. I have never been so confused, so tired, so alive, so joyful, so overwhelmed, so scared, so peaceful, so amazed for the longest of times. To explain what I’ve been through within the confines of this little text is simply impossible, because so much has happened. I feel like God has picked me up from my safe comfortable shell, shaken me till I couldn’t function, then set me down, wobbling and terrified but holding my hand tight. At the moment all that I can do is hold that hand and know that He won’t let go. I have become so aware over these past few days and weeks of the power of our God, He works in the craziest ways ever. It honestly scares me the stories that I’ve heard. This last weekend I went on the Ignite retreat and the theme was "encounter" and the speaker was talking a lot about demons and intense miracles, and I feel like since I was little I’ve been taught that that stuff doesn't really happen anymore. So it was so weird hearing it as if they are everyday occurrences. Then tonight at my Bible Study we talked about it some more and my leaders encouraged us to repent of our fears and to trust God in this area, and this seemed like such a weird concept, while it also makes sense. Fear is meant to be a healthy emotion though; there are times when we should legitimately be scared. To be told that we should not be scared of the spiritual warfare surrounding us…it seems unrealistic, and the thought that it would be “cool” to witness someone casting a demon out of a friend…um, not cool. I know that I am being a skeptic, like I always am, but something about that does not sit right with me. I know that over and over in the Bible it tells us to not be afraid and that Jesus is with us, even to the ends of the earth, but while I know, and was reminded of tonight, that God will equip us with what we need and will always guide us and is bigger and stronger than anything out there, the thought that there are demons out there that are doing whatever they can to try and make us stumble absolutely terrifies me. I am still trying to work out my thoughts, with much prayer and thought. At least I know that the fact that I am thinking is a good thing, we are told to work out our salvation, and I am making sure that I know what I believe and why I believe it. My God is still good, of that fact I am still sure of, and I am so grateful for His loving kindness and grace in dealing with a silly girl like me.
I would like to add though that the retreat was simply amazing. I put it in an awful light here, but it made me think so much and I have never felt so alive and refreshed in the Spirit before. I truly encountered God in that place. Also I truly appreciate how the Ignite ministry addresses certain topics; the realm of Spiritual gifts especially. They point everything back to the scripture and do not elevate a single gift above another, and it is very encouraging to see that there is a basis of everything that they believe from the Bible. Being based out of a foursquare church the worship style is so different from what I am used to. I love it. Everyone is so free and alive and not ashamed to truly worship God. It was so freeing and refreshing to worship God in such an atmosphere. The bonds that I made on this retreat will hopefully last a lifetime; I love every single person that I got to know better and met for the first time. I also got to witness a beautiful girl accept Christ into her heart, it was amazing seeing how God worked in her heart and her life; to hear her testimony later on was simply amazing. I know that God is working in my life as well; I am becoming more aware every day of how good he is to me. He is simply amazing and I am so undeserving of his sacrifice, I am so privileged to be able to say that I am his daughter and that I am loved.
